Flying with a toddler was another story. I am happy we will not be doing that again any time soon. It was kind of stressful trying to keep an active feisty toddler who partied late the night before on the dance floor quiet and contained in my lap for a few hours. We played with play dough and trains and colored and ate snacks and lollipops but there were a few fits too and thankfully the surrounding travelers were gracious.
my handsome wedding date.
The morning after we took a early morning walk with sweet little Jael still sporting her sparkly wedding shoes. The above place reminded me of something that should be in the shire not the city but it did look pretty enchanting.
Philadelphia is breathtaking this time of the year and we collected our color treasures along the way. It was a whirlwind weekend but so wonderful to be in my friends house with her family for a few days.
There are no words for how precious these women are to me. We have welcomed new lives together and said goodbyes and shared so much. My heart is full of memories of growing up with them, summers, birthdays, recitals then marriages, pregnancies and births. The last few days gave me a few more to treasure.
What a day for a wedding. I flew up to Philadelphia with my baby boy this past weekend to sing in a wedding. It was beyond gorgeous. Colors flung vibrant as a painter's palette, long shadows and perfect golden light. It was a lovely landscape to celebrate love. I've known Charlotte since she was a little bitty thing and I spent almost every weekend at her house with her big sister who has been my best friend since I was eight. It never gets old, seeing someone dear to you fall in love. So much joy overflowing. It was a day I will not soon forget.
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts and it's not only when these eyes are closed these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach, but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north, stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will... so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship, to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts. don’t let these waves wash away your hopes this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts we all have the same holes in our hearts... everything falls apart at the exact same time that it all comes together perfectly for the next step but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever we only have what we remember
"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."~Anne of Green Gables~
I really am. It is such an beautiful month in this valley of ours. Just when a season might start to get wearisome, October comes with crisp morning air, fire smells and trees with color trickling through them. It's intoxicating, this favorite season of mine. The change of seasons always brings me hope somehow. A reminder of the intricate order, the magnificent rhythm of the spinning home of ours, set perfectly in the cosmos, constantly moving around the sun, giving us days and seasons. A pulsing, changing, growing expanse of life, created by our Father who causes the sun to rise every morning and knows every thought I think. It will never cease to leave me in awe.
There are times I want to run from the difficult, the stress, from what I am not. Then there are times that I look up and the sky and the fragile leaves comfort me. And it is enough, because it points me to His face again.
I am quite behind on recording things in this space so I thought I'd attempt to catch up a bit. There are times I love having the camera and capturing things through the lens but many others I prefer to just be in the moment. I was happy to have it on this amazing day of watching my kids glory in this wide beautiful world.
One of our favorite things to do is drive up to the Ocoee River and wade in the water watching the kayaks and rafters rushing through the rapids. It is always a lovely way to get away for a day into gorgeous mountains and come back refreshed. So that is just what we did on the last day of summer vacation before school.
{this moment}
. . . . . . . .
A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
(Inspired by Soule Mama)
“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
― Francis Scott Fitzgerald
Summer seems to slipping through my fingers. August is still and hot, waiting. Again life has been so full that much has gone unwritten. I always find my way back though to this old friend of writing, this place to help flesh out my heart. I'm weary. Feeling a little beaten down for some reason. Reflecting on all these precious memories woven through these summer days. I'm not ready for homework and early mornings and packing lunch boxes but somehow the school year is in full swing and I'm trying to keep the train moving.
Over a month ago we began a major home renovation of removing a wall and remodeling our kitchen. These plans never go as smoothly as you hope and these old tired hundred year old walls just want to crumble in places. Every job turns into three. Speaking of which, I just laid aside my paint brush at 11:34pm and decided I'd come here instead. It was quite an undertaking with six people living here. Suffice it to say, I have never been so ecstatic at the prospect of doing dishes in my own sink again. Anyway that and several other things have made this a busier summer than I'm used to.
When I looked at my calender image for August it made me wistful. Steady. I don't feel steady. I feel weak sometimes, like a child that just can't seem to remember the hard lessons I've already learned. Yes, something is off. For instance I don't think it is probably normal to start crying when your kids are watching Mister Rogers and he starts to sing "It's you I like". I could be wrong but I'm guessing that's not normal. Or to tear up when you realize how ridiculously undeserving of these precious little creatures you actually are. I think I have been thirsty lately. I've been striving instead of learning to abide. I am anxious instead of trusting. I am distracted when I want to be fervent. I worry when I want to surrender. I'm trying to be self-sufficient when I want Jesus to empty me and fill me with His Spirit. I remember the story from Mark about Jesus sleeping on a boat with his disciples while a storm raged all around them. I think of how small the disciples faith was as they trembled with fear with their Savior right by their side. I wonder how it made Him feel. I see myself in those fearful friends of Jesus, but I want to love and trust with abandon, to walk on water, to revel in the power of the one who speaks and the wind and the waves obey. I'm so thankful that it is not up to the size of my faith. So thankful for a gentle shepherd who sends streams in the desert, and grace to this ragged soul of mine. He sends reminders of his love that never cease, moments with my nursing babe, slowing my heartbeat, moonlight and the smell of rain, my boys endless questions, braiding golden soft strands, freshly painted walls, my mama's house, piles of books, the sound of my husbands voice reading at night, the sounds of Innocence Mission and Rosie Thomas, and hundreds more glimmers through my days, the kids bedtime and a few quiet hours, can I get an amen?
So to all you other weary travelers, burdened hearts, tired mama's, take heart, we have a God who will quiet us with his love and rejoice over us with singing. His grace is so much bigger than our tattered hearts. We don't need to be steady when we're holding on to the one who is.
Sara says it well...
