"There came a time when the risk it took to remain in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~Anais Nin~
It's one of my most favorite quotes... to find your voice and use it, no matter what the cost. It's so healing.
I was in New Jersey for a bit and returned home to the welcome sights below. Just like that, after the long cold winter the first brave daffodils burst through the browned muted earth. January Jasmine cascades down stone walls and the first fragile crocuses poke through. Silken bursts of colors bringing the hope of Spring and newness and beauty, ushering in the this new season, the one I'll meet my new little son in. It is wonderful how something so tiny and fragile can bring some joy and brightness to the day.
I'm reminded of why I started doing this blog several years ago. It's not because life is all pretty flowers and sunshine and cute things the kids do; maybe because of the opposite. It's because my heart slips and drifts to the melancholy. I've seen loss and pain. I've felt an emptiness that was desperate and hopeless. I've felt the burden of my brokenness and that of others. I've been immersed in the rawness and struggle and ugliness that comes with our humanity. I'm burdened by the pain of others. This is what compels me to seek out the beauty, capture and draw out through words those moments of beauty and blessing. When I'm open to seeing it, it is everywhere; glimmers of God's love to me shouting through my days. It is a way I worship, to glory in it, to be thankful. Gratitude becomes a deeper part of you when the lovely and true is held up against the backdrop of heartache, making it shine even brighter. There is some need in me to collect the things that lift my spirit: wordless prayers, walking in a field of goldenrod, sacred conversations with my little one, images that move me and a thousand other things.
Lately I've been face to face with struggle and pain. My heart has been heavy and I've been sent to my knees desperately seeking my Papa God whose love is unconditional, whose words are true. He is so faithful, everyday covering my days in things that draw me to worship; the promise of Spring, the sleepless nights with only the company of this little one rolling and pushing me behind this flesh wall home, the anticipation of meeting my newest little boy, my husband who loves me so well and just basically rocks my world on a regular basis. What a love gift is this man, that I never deserved.
If your heart is heavy, I highly recommend the practice of collecting blessings. It doesn't matter how; a camera, sketch book, journal, list, anything will do. Let it transform you, let God transform you. This song has encouraged me so I thought I'd share. I never leave your hands...what a promise!
"I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands
When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still"
~JJ Heller~
