Friday, November 07, 2008

the boy

Perhaps I feel this way about every new phase my kids enter but I am really loving four lately. I remember anticipating how cool it would be when I could communicate better with my kids. Well, it's here and it is so lovely to hear his innocent questions, to watch his exuberance over the tiniest of things. If you are a friend of ours or Juden's, you know that the moment he lays eyes on you his whole face lights up and his volume goes up ten notches with excitement to see you. Wouldn't it be nice if such genuine joy was apparent when people greeted you; wouldn't it just make your whole day brighter? I am amazed at how much I can learn from a child. There is so little cynicism which allows such a spirit of trust and wonder. And I think about how our God tells us we must become like a child.

He's like his mama in his intensity and passion for things. Some days I feel so inadequate to be disciplining and shaping Juden but most of the time I walk through my days with his hand in mine and his little head on my shoulder and I wonder what I did to deserve the gift of holding his tender heart in my hands. So I carefully answer his endless questions, and he makes me laugh like crazy and I thank God for these days and hope that the day is not too near when his wonder and excitement wanes.

Juden goes in these all or nothing phases and right now it is all about drawing. I feel like I'm living with a mad artist in the making. He will spend hours perfectly silent just drawing on anything he can get his hands on. So if you notice any graffiti in our house it is probably Juden's handiwork. Talk about intensity , we are taking out forests over here.
It is such a privilege and high calling , this thing of mothering. I find that the more I am able to talk and reason with Juden the more conscious I am of figuring out how to reach his heart not just modify his behavior. I am seeing fruit in the soft-conscience that is growing in Juden. He seems increasingly aware of the need for truth, kindness, and self-control. He's a feisty little guy and he definitely has his moments but I am thankful to see the stirrings of his heart. Another thing I try to remember is to affirm him but not to reward him for good behavior to the point that he equates being good with being loved. And yet another picture of how being a mother has taught me of my Father's love. There really is nothing he could do or not do to make me love him less.

To my brown eyed little boy who has befriended and named all the ladybugs that are taking over our house, the knight who rescues Ella, the storyteller, the mad artist, the early morning snuggler, the clean house destroyer, and one of the only people I know who gets as excited as me at the moon and the setting sun sky and the leaves, I love you just a little.