Friday, February 01, 2008

goodbye three

In a couple hours my little boy turns four. Any of the hints of toddler have been replaced with full-fledged little boy energy and curiosity. It is hard to fathom how much this little boy has changed my world. The night before he arrived Josh was undertaking one of the many projects on our house. He decided to remove the non- working chimney which left a large hole in our roof so he and his dad worked quickly as rain was expected the next day. A cloud of soot puffed out from the fire place and as I sealed it up and was scrubbing the black film off the floor I thought,"Maybe this will send me into labor." But I brushed it off since my due date was a couple of days away. I had a restless, uncomfortable night wondering if what I was feeling might be the real thing. I felt a little better in the morning but as I was getting out of the shower my water broke. I got a glimpse of how much I loved my son already when things got frantic toward the end of my labor. He seemed to be stuck after 2 and 1/2 hours of pushing, and I realized that I didn't care if someone cut me in half with a sword as long as my son was okay. Almost 24 hours after my water broke on February 2, I met Juden Blaze. The love of a mother is beyond words, so different from other relationships. Friendships grow from common bonds and a lover charms and woos you but this baby did absolutely nothing to gain such unconditional and selfless love. It was simply that they he was mine.

His birthday just makes me think about how very much I love this little boy. I think about his accident and am reminded of what a gift every day is. He is a hundred percent boy with his endless energy and a strong will at times. He tells me he loves me several times a day and makes me laugh all the time. He likes to spend most days wearing a snug pirate suit and imagining pirate adventures and making Ella walk the plank, which she seems happy to do as long as she's dressed like Tinkerbell. His absolute favorite toy is a little wooden sword Josh made for him and drew designs on. It is in his hand or shoved down his pants at all times, except for during Sunday school and church when it sits in his car-seat. Every night when I tuck him in, it's tight in his arms. I must admit I'm a little sad to see three go, we've had lots of happy days this year. Three has had it's moments for sure of grocery store scenes, mischief and tantrums. But some months ago Juden started adding in his bedtime prayers, "God please help me to obey," and it has been part of his prayers ever since. No matter how naughty he may have been in a day this always melts my heart. Such a picture of all of us really. Wanting to do good, always trying and failing much of the time, asking for God's grace to help us obey. Most nights I sneak in his room when he's fast asleep and lay there with him, hold him, pray for him and watch him sleep ,one of the few times he's still. I love this habit and it allows me consistent time to pray for him. Today we gave him a fully costumed birthday bash. I'm usually not a huge party kind of person but it's so fun to celebrate the people we love and his huge smile made it all worth it. So good bye three, to all those sunny days and willing hugs, those hilarious questions and your curious innocence and hello four and a whole new year to love you.