Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Dear Joshua Caleb,
Sometimes I watch you from the window playing and laughing with our kids and I see your boy child come out in your Papa self and I fall in love with you all over again.
Some days you are troubled and you question where you are on the journey and if the direction you are going is the right one. I am your fellow sojourner while we are here and wherever God takes you, I will be by your side. As long as Jesus chooses your destination you can be at peace.
Some mornings when you think I am still asleep, I watch you limp through pain waking up. It makes my heart ache and I wish I could take the pain away. But I have seen God bring a softness and compassion to you through it. Pain can do that to a person.
You have walked with me through my dark and wounded places and your fierce love has lightened my burden. I am so thankful you were there.
There is something wild and unconventional in you but also strong and unwavering.You bring a gentle strength to the chaos in our house at times. You are a carrier of joy and your laughter is infectious.
I love how you still bring me flowers and cook me breakfast. You know I've been a sucker for your long curls for years but that new shaved head you're rockin'... so sexy. You are my one and only, darling.
Dear Post-baby body,
I admit, I've been treating you wrong. I kind of cringe when I pass a mirror and I'm more critical of you than I would ever be of anyone else. I'm sorry I'm so hard on you and I want to start listening to my husband, who reminds me that every scar, bulge, mark and extra pound are a small price to pay for our babies. He tells me everyday that I'm beautiful. You have been a strong safe place that enveloped the tiny cells that then grew and were knit into these incredible wild little creatures. Amazing! I promise to start talking to you like I would talk to my own precious daughters or anyone who is feeling less than the stupidly narrow standards our culture puts on women. I'm going to look away from things that make me feel like S*.
I'm going to start saying this to you more ;
"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." ~Psalm 139:14
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).
I don't think I've said it much but, thank you for nurturing five lives inside of you and making milk to nurse four of my children. Thank you for the ability to run with my kids, dance with my husband and a million other things.
Even though I've been hatin' on you, I really like you a whole lot and I want you to be the healthiest version of yourself so... no more sugar or grains, at least for the next 21 days, kay? I know, I know, but you can do it! You'll thank me later.
I am so happy you're here and that you are showing hints of my favorite season more and more. That cool morning air is delicious. I can't wait for leaves and fires and sweaters and strolls under a banner of colors.