so long summer

some words

It's been a while since there were more words than pictures around here. The truth is that although I did hit a season of extreme busyness I also have just been a little down. Losing some sleep, stretched a little bit thin, feeling unfocused. So wanting to pull myself up by the boot straps and shake it off but so unable to do so. Feeling like if I admit that I'm feeling weak and discouraged that would mean that I'm not grateful. And I really have everything in the world to be grateful for. Then I kind of downward spiral into beating myself up for being down and saying to myself," Come on get over yourself, look at all you have to be thankful for." The fact is that no matter how good I have it, occasionally I am weighed down, distracted, broken,longing for something that has not yet been realized. For a stretch of days I've had a beautiful and melancholy soundtrack. I can't seem to clear the clutter in my head long enough to hear the silence. It nags at me like a relentless pack of yapping dogs. I look around at things I don't get done,stacks of clothes,books and papers in my house reminding me of my cluttered head and heart. There is that stack of books I am waiting to finish, the image I had in my head that I so wanted to paint, a cd that I just can't seem to finish. The frustration that comes when my head spins with things I need to do and I realize that I can't. I give ear to old voices that I thought I was done with.
I will always notice the way the clouds shift quickly over the pale evening sun, the leaves gentle change from green to gold and the sound of the rain but I will probably forget to pay the electric bill and probably forget half the ingredients for tonight's dinner. I don't like it but it's just where I've been lately, feeling like the well is a little dry. In my days filled with cooking, cleaning, driving, disciplining, homeschooling and the like, I am trying to find tiny windows to write. I know that when I am weak and burdened I need to be on my knees before God. I also need time for things that I love. Josh laughs at me because he says my camera is a permanent fixture around my neck and our computer might just explode if I don't organize my pictures. I take pictures because it helps me pay attention, because we are made in His image and I like to look for beauty in everything. Another reason is because I am a girl who doesn't like swift change. Taking pictures allows me to draw out moments I want to remember. It's a way I grasp for permanence in a world where so much is temporary. I write for many of the same reasons. I enjoy the community of hearing other peoples stories like this and this of people whose lives are so different and yet so similar to mine. I'm inspired and stretched and comforted by words that often echo my own heart. I write to process things and remember, to hang on a little longer and to help my kids remember. I write because it is the only story I have to tell. All of that to say that these things are good for my soul and I just haven't been able to find much time to do them lately. And then when I do sit down to write I feel like I've had a clogged artery and I don't even know where to begin. Example: the above rambling. Needless to say, I'm here, a little worse for the wear, a little tired and ragged from the good job I tend to do beating myself up every so often for all the ways I don't measure up.
This morning as I was helping Juden memorize his verse I felt like God was speaking these words straight to my heart. I think this verse says everything I need to know.
Now if I could just remind myself to listen to this voice and the truth and power that is there.

a few more

I seem to find less and less time to sit and write lately so I thought I would attempt to catch up a bit on things as summer has breathed its last and it's officially Fall. The newlyweds arrived back safe from a three week honeymoon to New York, London, and France visiting our family along the way. Now they're in that stage I remember so well of making their home together. I'm happy that they live just up the road.



my brothers and sisters


They asked me to sing the Beatles song "I Will" for their first dance and it was perfect for the occasion. Keith wandered into my house two days before the wedding and sheepishly asked if I could sing one more song and then started looking on YouTube for it. I didn't know it, but you know a girl just doesn't say no to her little brother. And I instantly loved the song. Robert Heiskell was kind enough to accompany me at very short notice.

little dancer

Ella's tiny foot was the first thing I saw on her the day she was born. The nurses upon discovering her club foot whisked her away from my exhausted self to further examine her. As I waited expectantly to hold my baby girl all I could see was her tiny curled foot. Finally they brought this perfect little creature to me and it was love. It doesn't seem that long ago but suddenly I found myself strolling through the shoe shop to find the tiniest little ballet slippers for my big girl who is about to have her first dance class. So with Naya wailing because she wanted to be a dancer too, I fit Ella's shoes on her and she beamed with pride.





Ella brushing up on her Angelina the Ballerina skills.

clothesline

"So to all the secret writers,late-night painters, would be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush,or your flute, or your dancing shoes. Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel. Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done,or instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything.
Pick up a needle and thread, and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it. I need it.
Thank you, and keep going."
~Shauna Niequist~

I love this quote and it seems to fit well since this weekend was the Clothesline Art show. This happens once or twice a year to showcase and support local women artists. It is always held in peoples homes which gives it a relaxed,personal feel. I am always reminded of what a wonderful community of people I live among, unpretentious, laid-back, art-loving people. We went to the opening reception which was lovely with candles and wine and cheese and families filing through crowded rooms. I was happy to see the good turn out, but I had to go back the next day since I was so busy chatting all night that I didn't get to see everything. Every year I fall in love with a few pieces and this year was no different. The above piece is called Tenderly Speaking by Cat Collier. She has an amazing sense of color and texture and has done a beautiful series of trees. I don't think I'd seen her do a portrait before and found it so intriguing and emotive. Oh, how I would have loved to take Miss Tenderly Speaking home.


This circular piece was done by Jen Kring, my very own sister-in-law. She uses rich colors and patterned paper and covers them in thick beeswax leaving this goldeny weathered look. It's hard to capture the full beauty in pictures but you get the idea. She also does whimsical childrens' scenes on thick square wall hangings some of which I have in Naya's room.



This is a print of a larger painting by Katie Knutson. It's another favorite. I love the dark colors, broad strokes, and the yellow umbrella. When I look at it I feel like I can smell the puddled pavement of that city street. I can hear the soft sound of the rain falling and the subway rumbling below. I get drawn in to the story behind it and suddenly I'm there with some secret place to go on a stormy night.




photos by Maria Cardillo

work by Kelly Cardillo





The sheep above were done by Linda Thomas, another favorite. She does intaglio prints which are done by rolling ink over copper etchings like the one below. Her work is symbolic, detailed and soft looking and she had a series of trees and birds that I didn't get pictures of because many of them sold.


Apparently little miss Calliope was astounded by it all as well.
So here are a few of the faces behind the art. My hat is off to these ladies for the time and discipline, skill and spirit that goes into their art. Many of the them juggling several other roles, teachers and mothers of small children and still compelled to create. I 'm moved by what you do.
Thank you and keep going.

scenes from the weekend part 2

scenes from the weekend

Juden and I had a date at the art museum on Sunday afternoon.

He would skip around with his sketch book under his arm and pencils in his pocket inspecting, critiquing and drawing away. He cocked his head and set out to copy a painting with a man on an elephant in a parade.

I told him about paintings and watched him take it all in...and adored every second with him.

All in all a lovely day with my boy made even more special since Nana came too.