because I can't resist the cuteness. I love how she smells and plays with my lips while she nurses. I love her faces and how she belly laughs. There is nothing more peaceful than the sight of her sweet face asleep in my arms. Who could have ever thought that something so tiny and helpless could bring so much joy.
My heart's been wanting to spill but I thought I'd wait a day rather than write yesterday in the sleepy wake of it all. The last show of infradig was just...something, I don't even really know what; I'm still trying to process it. It was just so full. Thank you to everybody who showed up to pay tribute, it was overwhelming to see all of you there. There were college friends, parents, people who have been part of our lives in one way or another and also just those faithful hardcore fans of the music. People came from far and near; most amazingly my very own cousin who drove from Chicago just for the night. Josh joked when he announced the end, he wanted to see a collective shaking of the fists from fans. He definitely got it. It was so nice to be able to be there since it's been about a year since I saw them last due to pregnancy and nursing. I worked the merchandise table, which was fun, and I had a good view of Josh over the moving crowd. The whole evening was a little bittersweet. Seeing them live was amazing, there really isn't anything like it. You just can't capture it on a recording; the anonymity of being squeezed among the bodies, the dim air thick with smoke, the smooth drone of the bass vibrating through your chest, eyes closed to let your emotions ride every nuance of the music, catching the adrenaline of people dancing freely. The music brought a lot of people together, it caused us to meet people and see places we would't have otherwise. Their music, like art, helped "shake the dust of everyday life off of our souls" and just made a lot of people really happy, and don't we all just need a little more of that? Seeing my love play still does the same thing to me, I'm just so proud...had the bouncer stage left not been so ominous looking I think I would have jumped on stage and kissed him. The expression on Josh's face at the last crash of Benediction made the tears start welling. Sure, we can still pop their CD's in the player but never seeing the flailling dread-headed Carl slamming those keys and Josh's bombastic drum solo's, the unique interpretive dance style of certain college friends, the music that makes even non-dancers cut loose and sway...the experience that is infradig, ending ...that is something to be mourned. So here's to you guys for almost ten years of hard work and dedication, for the passion of using your gifts to bring joy to so many, to the end of an era, to making amazing music.
Okay folks, I am giving you the heads up now so you can mark your calendar, get a babysitter, take a nap on Saturday afternoon and get yourself to Rhythm-n-Brews downtown this Saturday night, Sept. 22. Infradig is having their final show ever and releasing their new CD. DJ Waysout will open and Infradig will probably start around 10:00 and play until the wee hours. Come show them some love,it's the last chance.
I love how conversational Juden has become. It's kind of new territory having rational, real talks with one of my kids. I love it; he says the most hilarious and sweet things sometimes. The other day we went to have a picnic in the battlefield and as we were driving in I said, "Look at the beautiful meadow Juden." To which he sat up in his car seat excitedly and looked, "Where Mama?" "Right there sweetie," I said. He stared with a puzzled look and I realized he was looking for the cousin he adores named Meadow. So I explained that Meadow is his cousin but that her name also means a field of grass or flowers. He looked troubled that Meadow wasn't there and he said," I don't understand Mama." My sister Amy's other kids are named Oak and Dove so I told him that peoples names sometimes have another meaning like Oak is also a tree and Dove is a type of bird. Now he looked happy with himself like he got it and said confidently ,"Ohh, and Amy means sky."
I don't post much about movies cause I don't see too many that I like but I saw a film called God Grew Tired of Us, and it has really stuck with me. It is a documentary film about the lost boys of Sudan. In 1987 Sudan's Muslim government ordered the death of all males in the Christian south. 27,000 boys fled to Ethiopia on foot. They wandered the sub-Saharan desert for years and 12,000 survived. The film followed the story of a few of these boys who came to America, worked and tried to find lost loved ones. It also shows their perspective on American culture which is fascinating. Watching it kind of ripped my heart out to be honest but I'm glad I saw it. It was so foreign to me... the weight of their suffering, the horrors they had seen. It was sobering to think about the things that get me stressed, things like making ends meet or how we are going to pay off student loans, a disagreement with my husband or how to get Juden to stop being a maniac. I am happy to have those problems in relation to theirs. I realized how incredibly charmed my life is and how blessed beyond measure I am. I can't think about it for too long because it disturbs me, I don't deserve these blessings any more than they. It puts things into perspective that is for sure. With the awareness of the situation came this burden of longing to help in some way. Since seeing it I can not get the images out of my head. Given my circumstances I felt so helpless and so decided to pray for them every time they came to mind. I can not under estimate the power in that alone. I reccomend seeing it just to be globally aware and maybe even moved into action or prayer.
Apparently it's been a year since I entered the blog world. I thought about ending it since there are probably only so many pictures of my children people can stand to look at, and the musings of this stay at home mom are not the most exciting read, but hey, nobody has to read. I've kind of enjoyed the occasional outlet and making connections. So at least for now I guess I'll give it a new look and continue the self-indulgence of being green. I love getting little windows into each others lives...our homes, our work and interests, our highs and lows, raising kids, marriage, fighting, losses, all the stuff of life. Thanks to all who have entered into the exchange and until I decide otherwise enjoy this peek into being green.
Here is one of the things I loved about yesterday... having a rain storm interrupt our work on the outside of our house which forced us to sit on the porch and watch a drenched Juden dancing in his underwear in the front yard. Second, watching my sweaty kids dance till they dropped at Swing fest last night in the park, so charming. Don't children do it the best? So carefree, without a thought about if they're in rhythm or who might be watching. Josh and I attended this event a few short years ago, minus three new little dance partners...crazy!!
Third, coming home and having my husband spontaneously offer to cook for me, candles and all. Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest girl ever.
What's a girl to do in 103 degree heat but get rid of the shirt and bust out the red umbrella. Summer is slipping away, the school year for Josh is in full swing and Naya is now six months. She's sitting up and scooting all over the place. She is a ridiculously happy baby and seems to get sweeter by the day. It's been a challenge in these days of heat inventing ways to keep my stir crazy kids happy. Sometimes the whining and arguing and discipline is exhausting. But I also feel so blessed to have these three amazing little people and to be able to stay home with them. If the day is really chaotic, I think about the fact that someday I'll have a 13, 14, and 15 year old in the house together and then I feel really glad to be right where we are at.
I remember hiding in the back of the closet with my mom, we'd hear the screech of the school bus brakes and then my sisters footsteps through the front door. They'd open the door to hang up there coats and we'd jump out to their surprised screams and laughter. She was always doing some crazy thing to keep our household full of laughter. She was the kind of mom who stayed up after everyone else was asleep to bake cupcakes with pink gumdrops on top for me to take to school on my birthday. She was the kind of mom who could always tell if someone was down and knew just how to brighten their spirit. She was the kind of mom who, in our house of seven, was always the last one to eat and sit down. She was the kind of mom who always had time to read our favorite stories over and over, and she read books in a way no one else could. She made them come alive with her energy, humor and animation. She was a servant to us and to so many others. She was the person who told me about Jesus and showed me his love. She was always teaching, helping and loving. She poured out herself for us and still does across states and between 12 grandchildren. She is amazing with babies and children, she has the gift of being able to speak their language. Sometimes I watch her with my kids piled in her lap and I think of how blessed I am to have her. Birthday love for you today mama!
When those first rays of morning sun stream through my windows it's enlivening. The deep blue sky and mountain views from my window beckon. It just looks so perfect out there and then we step out our door, babies and gear hanging off of every available limb. Five steps from my door and I feel the beads of sweat rolling down my spine. No relief, even in the morning, even after rain. It feels like a sauna and I feel banished to the water or the air-conditioning by this merciless southern heat. I think I miss NJ, just a little. All complaining aside we've had a good summer and here are a few glimpses of trying to stay cool. I feel cooler just looking at them.
Sorry for the blue overload people, but I am just drunk with love for blue. My photo library is bursting with it. It's moonlight, water, the sky, the eyes of my family, my mom, it's calming but dramatic. How fitting to begin and end this color week with my two favorites. If you drop by, let me know your favorite, or favorite of this series. This week of celebrating color has made me more vividly aware of every hue and shade of the rainbow. I can't help but feel like I left out some great ones like turquoise and purple and gray. Oh well, maybe I'll do those later. But for now enjoy the colors around you... drink in the beauty.
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