being a mama

I never knew I could fall instantly in love with my babies.
I never knew the feeling of a soft little mouth rooting around my neck and cheek, looking for milk.
I never knew how it would break my heart to see his spirit sink when people laughed at him.
I never realized something that innocent looking could make me lose my temper and say things I wish I hadn't.
I didn't know that becoming a mom would make me love my own mom more deeply because I would discover the sacrifice and commitment it takes to truly disciple my children's hearts.
I didn't know that stories would be more vivid, the glories of the ocean and the feel of sand and the seasons changing and a million other things would be magnified when sharing them for the first time.
I didn't know the joy of seeing things through their eyes.
I didn't know that grocery shopping, and tidying and any productivity while keeping all the kids happy and fed and rested, would be feats for which to be proud of accomplishing in a given day.
I never knew they would teach me so much about being uninhibited, loving people enthusiastically and having childlike trust.
I never knew that worry would take on an epic level.
I never knew that a tired little bundle of weeds would make me more happy than a room filled with roses or that their family portraits would be more dear to me than an original Picasso.

I never realized that when I became a mother, it would begin a universal bond. I didn't know that something in me would change or that I'd turn whenever I'd hear a child cry.
I didn't know that every child that is in distress would signal in me this deeply-rooted instinct to protect and nurture.
I didn't know that the refugee mama with babe on her back, and the crack addict struggling to care for her baby... that suddenly we are all the same.
I didn't know that God could take my feeble attempts and put His grace on them.
I didn't know that being a mother would be the most fulfilling, draining, hard, beautiful, meaningful, mundane and fascinating thing I'd done.
I never realized how being a mother would paint such a picture of the way God loves me.
I never thought that while some things in me faded away with motherhood, I'd be awakened to a more true version of myself.
I never realized how completely unequipped I was for the job, or how much I rely on God's promise to give me what I need and walk with me every single day.

laura&nora

There are few things as close to my heart as the relationship between a mother an child. So it seemed an appropriate weekend to share some mama/baby pics. I took these a few weeks ago hoping to capture more of the everyday moments of being a mom, playing, reading, snuggling rather than a posed portrait look. It was fun seeing the bond between them. I've known Laura since she had a irresistibly cute speech impediment and would fight to join her big sister and I when we had sleepovers, and now she is one of my very best friends. As for the little one, the cheeks and the eyes alone melt me. They are a duo very dear to my heart.

songs from the nest

We are back on the saddle. I suppose I could offer any number of excuses as to how I became waylaid from finishing the CD. From laryngitis that left me with half my vocal range for months, Jade going to Slovakia, the demands of the wee ones and just life happening, things fell behind schedule. I wish I had half of the drive my husband has sometimes. Regardless of a goal un-achieved, I am happy to be immersed back in the process. It amazes me how this process now takes place thanks to technology. Instrumental lines are laid down in various places then woven together in our attic. For instance, Dave Kaufman, who plays bass on the songs, did so in Baltimore. Carl(of The Distribution) played the line in "The Painting" which John Drexler came up with. We had a friend of Jade's named Joy put on some beautiful violin parts. It just seems strange when you listen to a song, that the people on it may have never even been in the same room at the same time. It's satisfying to listen to the end result and the fluidity of every one's sounds coming together. I am happy to be singing again and looking at images for the CD art with Jade that reflect the feel of the album. I've said before, some of the songs are lullaby-ish, songs I've sung and hummed over and over to teary babes. I thought of my bambinos sleeping just below me as the notes floated through these old wood floors and hope that the songs will weave their way through their dreams and into their hearts. I hope the sound of these songs reminds them of late night kisses and how much I love them.


I've said before that I struggled some growing up with being shy. I think I mistook promoting or being driven in personal pursuits with pride somehow. I still would much rather blend in but I am taking steps to do the things I love. Someone told me once that we all have a story and a voice and no one will know our soul unless we use it.It has been a blessing seeing how God made me in His image with a desire to communicate and create and connect with others. The older I get the more I think, life is too short to be silent or to think "maybe I'll do that tomorrow." So I make mud pies with my kids and gather them under my wings to watch thunderstorms. I watch sunsets with my husband, I sing songs in my attic and drink in everyday.



As for the album... it won't be long.

The World Next Door

I had a question in the comment box on the last post asking where Naya's dress came from and seeing as I meant to put in a plug for them but forgot, I thought I'd just post about it instead. I bought it at The World Next Door, one of my very favorite shops in our fair city. It is a locally owned fair trade cooperative with a very broad vision. They work with representatives from forty of the poorest developing countries to give fair wages to local artisans and craftsmen and "provide opportunities for sustainable living for the global underdog." You can find out more about their mission and the work they do here. They are doing a good and powerful thing and since we can't all be globe trotters, it's nice to be able to support them in some small way.
For this reason, along with the unique, one-of-a-kind selection, I buy gifts and shoulder bags and clothes there, when I can. They also have home decor and kids' gifts from Haiti, India and Africa, to name a few. Because of the unique quality of some of their merchandise, it can be out of my price range, but they have great sales if you catch them at the right time. I got this two piece outfit for Ella that matches Naya's dress for 75% percent off. I love the breezy gauze feel of it for the summer and the embroidered flowers. Most days I let them get as dirty as they like but I love little girls in white. Both outfits cost me about 15 bucks.

Check out their blog to learn more. They posted this video awhile back and I like its message. It shows people with joy in the face of struggle and poverty. I'm hoping the source of that joy and peace is Jesus.

make a wish

many hands...

make light work, sort of.


I've noticed that my kids, especially Ella loves helping me with everything. She drags the stool over and grabs the apron as soon as she sees me cooking. She comes running when she sees a pile of laundry and a favorite task is helping water the garden. It makes me happy to see a helpful spirit but sometimes I sigh, knowing the task may take longer with their help. Ella prefers a wadding up, rolling method so I end up refolding clothes. Many a plant has fallen victim of the entire bucket deluge. When baking, more flour ends up on the child than in the dough and cooking can become a juggling act. With that said I so want to nurture a servant's heart and the desire to work and help. I see how they thrive and shine with pride when given a job (unfortunately not always when asked to do the mundane toy clean up.) But doesn't everybody like to feel needed? Parents can do their children such a disservice by doing everything for them. Kids need to feel a sense of their role and responsibilities, how they fit in to the family and the growing abilities they have, even though it's not always convenient to have their "help." Now, the way she drags her dolls around by the feet... maybe we'll brush up on the mama skills, just in case.

for the glory of the earth

and all its fullness,we give thanks.


I want to see this.

shoes

Naya has always had a shoe fetish. So I wonder why I have the shoe shelf in the kitchen with endless possibilities to be tried on all day long. She has new favorites, and they are gold, and they have beads. How's a girl to resist? Tonight she insisted on going to sleep like this...


hmm, should I be worried?

and we did celebrate

It has been an eventful few weeks of celebration in the life of our family. We had a princess party this weekend in the park for the Dove-bird who turned four. And last night we had an incredible feast in honor of Keith's birthday, the likes of which I'm still recovering from. But the most exciting thing was the engagement of Keith and Trish. I can hardly believe my baby brother is getting married. I hugged him as he left that morning and he had that nervous glow all over him. Man, time marches on, relentless. The story is all together charming. In a little field by a creek where they had their first kiss, Trish thought she was there for Dove's princess party. Rose petals drifted down the creek from the tunnel where Jade was hidden in his galoshes and tuxedo serenading on guitar. How cool is that, to have a friend who doesn't mind standing in a tux and rain-boots hiding in a tunnel for almost an hour. A ring, some champagne and tears and they begin this whole new chapter of life. Jade made a subtle exit strumming his guitar the whole way. I am blessed that my siblings are also some of my favorite people in the world and I am so happy to share in the joy of this time. The engagement and honeymoon stage is such a precious, fleeting time of newness and anticipation and I remember it well, a little stunned to be fast approaching 10 years of marriage. I can see how happy Trish makes by baby brother and I'm pretty stoked to be gaining such a cool new sister. God is good.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22