s i x

To Juden, ~ on your sixth birthday,
I have to admit, my little man, I'm sad to see five go. What a wonderful year it has been and how thankful I am for you. Today we had a special date, just you and me. We went to the English tea room, your Pop-pop's favorite place. You loved it. You raved about the tea and charmed the waitresses with your harmonica skills. They called you Oliver Twist, sitting there with an impish smile and woolen cap. We sat by the window watching the people pass by in the grey afternoon. We talked about six and all that it might hold. You excitedly told me that you would be able to read books with no help. You are learning so fast. You said you were going to learn how to play the drums, violin, flute, guitar and accordion, so apparently you've got some big plans. You loved your food and told me you loved me five times and that was before dessert. After a lunch fit for a prince we went to choose a new birthday toy. I enjoyed time to focus on just you. I loved holding your hand because usually I don't have enough hands to go around and the girls need mine more. I watched your small face laughing and talking and wondered to myself what this year, and the next, and the next, will hold for you.
From the moment I knew of your existence it has been this gentle progression of little ways of letting go. Six will be a year of big changes I think. Thus far we have spent all of our days together.You will most likely be in regular non-home school for first grade and I think I am already grieving the thought of being away from you all day. I know you are ready and you will do fine but my heart has trouble sometimes catching up to the speed at which you are growing up and becoming more independent. It is good and I have always known that ultimately our Father is holding you.
Is it normal that I think you are the most remarkably cool, adorable and kind little boy I've ever met? You are getting taller and thinner and you have your first loose tooth. While you were five you learned to sound out words and it was so exciting and satisfying to be your teacher. You love to draw, and love stories and reading. You love little babies and are really sweet and gentle with them. You informed me that you will have a little brother and his name will be Jacob. Hmm, I'm not sure if you're placing an order or what. You are all about pirates, knights, Star Wars and Narnia. You are perfecting some mad harmonica skills and you love all kinds of music. At the moment you have at least two marriage requests and you don't seem to want to disappoint either, so you've already gotten a glimpse of the mysterious world of love. I keep trying to tell you and your little buddies that you really have plenty of time to figure it out(but you just might be a heart-breaker). I will admit that I have no idea how to raise you into a godly son. Not a moment is lost in prayer and I am relying on His grace. With that said, I rejoice in what I have seen God doing in your heart this past year. I remember those days I prayed with hands on my belly that you would be a man of praise and passion for God. Thus your name, Juden Blaze. You have shown a strong sense of compassion for those in need and hurting. I have seen your giving spirit and am so thankful for your love for God. You are so quick to forgive and embrace when I have to say I'm sorry when I'm not the mom I should be to you. Your prayers are so simple, disarming and earnest. As many children tend to repeat the same prayers, you do too. You most often use communal words when praying, and often say, "It's not about us, it's all about you, we love you and we know you love us." You say "thank you" a lot and you also usually say, "I just can't stop loving you and I wish I could praise you all night." You have a very tender heart and you have taught me much about how deep and real and unpretentious the faith of a child can be. My son you are more than precious. I am still in awe that He bestowed such a beloved gift on me. Five was beautiful, awkward, tender, growing, curious, dramatic, mischievous and innocent. It was forts,swords, bow and arrows, filling sketch books,tiny Lego's, pants with busted knees, pockets of seeds and rocks, and little sister accomplices. I love you little one, and I look forward to all the wonderful possibility of six. Happy Birthday, little man.