to the river

I am quite behind on recording things in this space so I thought I'd attempt to catch up a bit. There are times I love having the camera and capturing things through the lens but many others I prefer to just be in the moment. I was happy to have it on this amazing day of watching my kids glory in this wide beautiful world.

One of our favorite things to do is drive up to the Ocoee River and wade in the water watching the kayaks and rafters rushing through the rapids. It is always a lovely way to get away for a day into gorgeous mountains and come back refreshed. So that is just what we did on the last day of summer vacation before school.

Saying goodbye to summer...

{this moment}

{this moment} . . . . . . . . A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. (Inspired by Soule Mama)

Steady

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” ― Francis Scott Fitzgerald

Summer seems to slipping through my fingers. August is still and hot, waiting. Again life has been so full that much has gone unwritten. I always find my way back though to this old friend of writing, this place to help flesh out my heart. I'm weary. Feeling a little beaten down for some reason. Reflecting on all these precious memories woven through these summer days. I'm not ready for homework and early mornings and packing lunch boxes but somehow the school year is in full swing and I'm trying to keep the train moving. Over a month ago we began a major home renovation of removing a wall and remodeling our kitchen. These plans never go as smoothly as you hope and these old tired hundred year old walls just want to crumble in places. Every job turns into three. Speaking of which, I just laid aside my paint brush at 11:34pm and decided I'd come here instead. It was quite an undertaking with six people living here. Suffice it to say, I have never been so ecstatic at the prospect of doing dishes in my own sink again. Anyway that and several other things have made this a busier summer than I'm used to. When I looked at my calender image for August it made me wistful. Steady. I don't feel steady. I feel weak sometimes, like a child that just can't seem to remember the hard lessons I've already learned. Yes, something is off. For instance I don't think it is probably normal to start crying when your kids are watching Mister Rogers and he starts to sing "It's you I like". I could be wrong but I'm guessing that's not normal. Or to tear up when you realize how ridiculously undeserving of these precious little creatures you actually are. I think I have been thirsty lately. I've been striving instead of learning to abide. I am anxious instead of trusting. I am distracted when I want to be fervent. I worry when I want to surrender. I'm trying to be self-sufficient when I want Jesus to empty me and fill me with His Spirit. I remember the story from Mark about Jesus sleeping on a boat with his disciples while a storm raged all around them. I think of how small the disciples faith was as they trembled with fear with their Savior right by their side. I wonder how it made Him feel. I see myself in those fearful friends of Jesus, but I want to love and trust with abandon, to walk on water, to revel in the power of the one who speaks and the wind and the waves obey. I'm so thankful that it is not up to the size of my faith. So thankful for a gentle shepherd who sends streams in the desert, and grace to this ragged soul of mine. He sends reminders of his love that never cease, moments with my nursing babe, slowing my heartbeat, moonlight and the smell of rain, my boys endless questions, braiding golden soft strands, freshly painted walls, my mama's house, piles of books, the sound of my husbands voice reading at night, the sounds of Innocence Mission and Rosie Thomas, and hundreds more glimmers through my days, the kids bedtime and a few quiet hours, can I get an amen?

So to all you other weary travelers, burdened hearts, tired mama's, take heart, we have a God who will quiet us with his love and rejoice over us with singing. His grace is so much bigger than our tattered hearts. We don't need to be steady when we're holding on to the one who is. Sara says it well...

Life has been full around here but I can't let a birthday go by with out a letter so here is one to my girl, who had a birthday a few weeks ago.

To Ella, Today you are seven. I can remember being seven. It's kind of the beginning of big- girlness, your eyes open a little wider to the world around you. This year you went from being with me every moment of every day to going to school. The first day was hard and there were tears but you did amazing. You love school and you have become braver and more confident. Everyday you would excitedly show me your work. You love reading and writing stories and letters. I find your precious written words strewn all around the house. You are losing teeth left and right and your smile is making you look so big.You are hilarious and wild and you love to dance.You are also quiet and thoughtful, observing everything around you. You love our baby ferociously, a little too ferociously. I get it. He is pretty irresistible. You'll make a good little mama some day. You're afraid of wind and storms but we're walking through the fears together. We pray against the fears and ask for trust. Lessons I am still trying to learn myself at 34, how to surrender and trust our good shepherd. The other day we baked Daddy some cookies and listened to music while the thunder rumbled outside. I could not get over how lucky I am to be your mama as I watched you hummimg in your little apron. Your birthday started with your breakfast date with daddy and ended with cake and a family party and presents. I can't wait to see what seven will hold for you. May our Jesus hold you tight in his arms and may you know everyday your worth as his precious daughter. Love, mama

Summer is here

It's the first week of summer break already! Here are some things I'm loving. I get to have all my kids with me all day, I love this most of the time(except for the days I want to run for the hills before 9:00am.)

The other day at the park Harper stumbled all around all by himself in his usual drunken robot style and it seemed so strange to not have him attached to me. He is just a little elated at his new found vertical state of being.

Peek-a-boo in the curtains. It never gets old. It is one of your favorite things, sunlight, curtains and someone waiting on the other side so surprised and excited to see your little face. every.single.time.it emerges:)Little things bring you such joy.

Sister love, or something like that. If I had a nickel for every time I said, "Don't squeeze him," in a day, I'd be a very rich lady.

End of the day goldness. Yes, I am that lady that will stop with my camera on the side of the highway to take pictures of chain link fences...if the light is just right.

Baby love and goodbyes

Harper was all like, "Yeah mom, a wagon ride!"

"Ooo , I guess she's excited."

"I think I'm stuck in here with a crazy lady."

"What's a guy to do?"

"She is pretty cute."

"Yeah I think I like her."

I've known her all her life. She's been my friend and neighbor for the last four years. Pregnancies, early morning walks, cups of tea, sewing projects and so many memories. Then on Monday on a thunder stormy afternoon we said goodbye as they left to move back to NJ.

Sweet friends since they were babies. I really hate goodbyes but mostly I'm just so thankful.

For now though we're feeling a little like this.