risen

"He is risen; he is not here."

This week I wept for the suffering my Lord endured on my behalf,
and felt the small arms of my son as he wiped away my tears.
This week I felt the warm breeze and was reminded of the Holy Spirit.
This week I said many prayers with very few words, mostly "thank you" and "I love you."
I sunk my hands in the dirt and marveled at the new life springing forth, the un-imaginable artistry of God.
I carried a sleepy Ella from her car seat and we paused to gaze at a magical sky of quickly shifting purple clouds over a glowing moon-lit sky and I watched her smile when I told her maybe God made it so glorious because He knew she'd be looking up.
This week I kissed her soft little face.

I smiled in the car when Juden excitedly announced, "Mama, I can see heaven!" when the sunbeams burst through the clouds at sunset.
I filled my table with perfect fragrant magnolia blooms that I knew would only last for a moment.
This week I am overwhelmed by the beauty and compassion of Jesus.
This week I remember that the tomb was empty and look forward to the joy of the morning.

*ballet*

I love having girls and I treasure these days that they prance around in a mess of clothes and tights and leotards saying,"Pud on the ba-wa-lay music Mama." This happens at least once daily. Nana sent a Baby Ballet DVD so we have "class" everyday although Ella has officially completed her first real class.It was so special for Ella to have something all her own.



Well, not completely on her own. She got to have class with Dove-bird whom she could barely stop holding hands with long enough to dance. I watched my girl dance across the floor with a bouncy style that was anything but graceful. Ballet can be so very structured and formal feeling but Ella had her explosive smile on the entire time.One of the first things people noticed about Ella when she was a baby was her amazing smile and how her whole face lit up.

You could tell she was loving it and I must say it was the most uninhibited and clumsily beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Every little ounce of her being was immersed in the joy of the movement and music, before any hint of insecurity or self-consciousness. So free and innocent, so very in the moment; oh that she will always stay there. I mean really, is there anything cuter than a row of itty bitty bums in leotards? Precious.

today

One of the other things I love about homeschooling is the freedom to have days like today; a surprise date with my little man to see the musical Peter Pan.
to hear him belly laugh at the antics of Mr.Smee,
to watch the magic of Neverland and pixie dust and pirate fights,
to hear him say, "Tiger Lily is the most beautiful girl ever!"
to hear him clap and yell "I believe in fairies," to bring Tink back to life.
to watch him stare over the balcony at the symphony beneath the stage.
to have his hand in mine.

whatever is lovely

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”
~C.S. Lewis~

I love homeschooling. Juden drew lions while I read the story of David Livingstone fighting off the lion from Hero Tales. He has an insatiable appetite for books and usually illustrates what ever I am reading about. We have to stagger out the written work a little more. I have loved getting to watch his curiosity and excitement as he patiently works at reading and writing with such determination. I know these days are a gift, as we're snuggled up in a sunny corner with our reading that I enjoy just as much as him.
A few other things I'm loving right now~
* A handful of wishes from Ella.
* The gentleness of March and the nearness of Spring.
* The other night when Naya looked at the sunset and said, "Look Ella, Jesus made you an pinkalicious sky!"
* Moving Naya from the crib to Ella's bed, the sweetness of them asleep together.
the earthy smell of Juden's little head when he comes inside like spring time and sun. It's pure heaven.
* The smell of shoe polish, and suddenly I'm six years old on a Sunday morning chatting away to my dad as he sings and shines his shoes.
* A snow day last week and daffodils this week.
* Naya's wispy curls.
* crocuses and tiny buds.
* bare feet and flip flops, they don't waste any time.
* buying seeds.
* My precious husband who out of the blue announced he was giving me and entire day to myself, a very rare thing.
* The whispers from God in the earth, in my kids laughter, in the love of friends.
* The loveliness of being alive.

Lake Yarina

I remember strolling through the warm July night, through the sun-kissed music loving crowds. I could hear these soft rhythms dancing across the Illinois corn fields. I followed the sounds to find one guy with a guitar and some speakers set up outside of this little coffee tent. I first saw Josh Garrels play at Cornerstone fest and was immediately drawn in by his amazing sound which is a melding of acoustic folk, hip-hop and something all his own. I was moved immediately by the power and authenticity of his voice and his transparent heart for God. Amidst the musical happenings as of late,I am so excited that my husband is collaborating with him! They are passing songs and beats back and forth between here and Portland and I can't wait to hear the results. He's been a favorite of mine ever since I saw him and currently I'm loving Candlenight, Break Bread and Lake Yarina. Lake Yarina is perfectly transcendent. Reef sandals used his song for a fair trade project in Uganda. Give it a listen.

Reef Uganda from Russell Brownley on Vimeo.

the earth shook

In the wake of the news of the quake in Haiti I began a post that I never finished but it goes along with many of the things God is laying on my heart so I'll just post it anyway.

(from late January)
Where to catch up in this long, cold January? I suppose I'll just start talking about the things occupying space in my head.
Security. Comfort. Peace. Purpose. Aren't these the things we all seek after? The things that are so very elusive; apart from Christ. I was stunned and grieved with millions of others at the news of the earthquake in Haiti. In a time of such cultural awareness, how many times can your heart break?
I prayed, I cried ,I held my kids close and clung to the stories like this that rolled in day after day, of miracles, and hope and resilience in the face of suffering. In a time when words fell short, I watched my small son on bended knee pray,"God please help the people in Haiti. Help them not to be so sad. Help them, to know that you are the King."
Yes, that is what I wanted to say. As I sit in my comfortable house surrounded by my loved ones, I feel so helpless. Then I was reminded of the power of prayer and of the sovereignty of our God. Their world shook and they lost mothers and brothers and babies and homes. They were scared, they bled, they cried, and they went hungry. Is it not a picture of so many of our hearts, shaken and torn groping desperately on the ground. Trying to pick up the shattered pieces of our lives and hold it all together, to get back on our feet. We are hungry, we are scared, we are fatherless. We all need a rescuer. My prayer for them is the same for every shaken soul including my own; "Lord, have mercy, bring hope, bring revival, help us pick up the pieces and redeem tragedy. Help them know you are the King." One might say,"Where is God in the midst of such tragedy?" There is no easy answer to this question. Except that I know He sees and cares about those who mourn(Matthew 5:4). Tim Keller offers a powerful voice on this age old dilemma; a loving God that allows suffering. I recommend this book or audio book for anyone who wrestles with these questions. He addresses these theological questions graciously but with out compromising scriptural integrity.

Many will rally together to be His hands and feet and voice, to help build up and bring hope. I pray that when the media attention wanes, the work will continue and God will bring a healing and restoration to Haiti that it has never known before.
~Psalm 46:1-11~
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved; God will help it when the morning dawns. The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Come, behold the works of the Lord; see what desolation's he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth." The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. (Selah)

(photos from flickr)

About those other things God has been laying on my heart, concerning comfort, conviction, mercy and calling, they'll have to wait until I'm more awake to write about them. Exhaustion is taking over.

nana's chair

There is a chair in my house that we call Nana's chair because every time she's here, that is where she sits. She has trouble getting around and this chair is so comfy and just the right size for her short self. Any chair that Nana's in must also hold one to three additional children at any given time, so this chair has been, shall we say, well loved. It is kind of a Velveteen rabbit of chairs because this once lovely green silk, wing-back chair now had stuffing coming out and spots that had been loved right off. Anyone who has been around my mother can see that little people, especially her grand-kids are drawn magnetically to her lap. For several reasons really, because she has pretty jewelery that little fingers love to touch. She has lots of silly voices, and her lap is never too crowded for one more, but most of all because she always brings new books and is the most amazing story teller ever. No one can make the written words come alive like she can. But years of rocking babies, kids romping, and piling into it had left the chair looking like it belonged on the curb.

I was inspired by the patchwork chair on Indie Fixx. It made me think that maybe I could save the chair from the sad fate of the roadside. The only problem being that I couldn't afford to have someone else reupholster it and I don't sew. So I ran the idea by my faithful and more crafty friend, seeing if maybe she could help me. She said,"Yes we should do it!" as if I had just asked her to bake cookies with me. Her confidence and help was all I needed. I chose fabrics from Alewives going for a eclectic, patchwork anthropologie feel. Alewives fabrics are gorgeous and just looking at the colors and patterns made me want to create pretty things. I figured the hand-made, patchwork look might disguise my lack of sewing skills as well. So Laura and I took on a perfectly reasonable first sewing project: reupholstering a chair.
She worked on the seat cushion cover on her machine while I yanked and stapled and hand-sewed each section. We both enjoyed watching our creation evolve. Meanwhile we had lots of little "helpers" covering entire portions of the chair with little rainbow pearly push pins. I was pleased with the outcome although I still want to put a few applique birds and circles on the wings of the chair. I had enough fabric to make some new throw pillows to brighten up the room as well.






It's definitely a throne fit for our sweet Nana. All pretty and bright, waiting for lots of cozy reading and snuggling, until the day that the birds and flowers are worn off and we're left with a patchwork, velveteen chair. We're keeping it warm until your next visit.

Valentine's day

We don't usually do much for this holiday, but little girls make it a whole lot more fun. It's amazing how paper hearts and hand made cards for friends can be so exciting. It's so nice to see how much they want to show their love. So the heart chains went up and we embraced the heart doilies, glitter, glue and paint mess. This year our newest Auntie had a tea party for all the girls. There was pink, and tulips, and chocolate and ballet so it was pretty much a little girl heaven.

The sisters and their red hot Valentiney shoes.






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Aunt Trish brought out lots of white tulle to dance and play with.

Tea parties are so exhausting.

The only thing that would have made it better was the presence our NJ cousins. Thank you Aunt Trish for the lovely memory with the girls and hopefully a new tradition.