through the wardrobe

Josh and Juden are almost done with the third book in The Chronicles of Narnia series. They both look forward to snuggling up every night to read, and when they finish a book they watch the movie together. Who can blame him; the stories have captivated adults and children alike for decades. They are magical, from stepping through the wardrobe to the wintry world of talking animals, to the battles for freedom from the tyranny of the White Witch, to the fierce love of Aslan, the King Lion. When Juden likes something he is not half-hearted about it. So he is all about Narnia everything, and of course, asked to have Narnia party. We made a cardboard wardrobe that you could step through to the Narnia living room with snow covered tree limbs and strung snowflakes. There was Turkish delight and pin the tail on Mr. Tumnus. I was the White Witch, but a very non-menacing one. Sir Juden the valiant loved it. And I almost forgot, right in time for our Narnia party we got more snow than I ever remember seeing around here. It was beautiful and magically Narnian both inside and out.





Her are a few from our date to the tea room yesterday.

s i x

To Juden, ~ on your sixth birthday,
I have to admit, my little man, I'm sad to see five go. What a wonderful year it has been and how thankful I am for you. Today we had a special date, just you and me. We went to the English tea room, your Pop-pop's favorite place. You loved it. You raved about the tea and charmed the waitresses with your harmonica skills. They called you Oliver Twist, sitting there with an impish smile and woolen cap. We sat by the window watching the people pass by in the grey afternoon. We talked about six and all that it might hold. You excitedly told me that you would be able to read books with no help. You are learning so fast. You said you were going to learn how to play the drums, violin, flute, guitar and accordion, so apparently you've got some big plans. You loved your food and told me you loved me five times and that was before dessert. After a lunch fit for a prince we went to choose a new birthday toy. I enjoyed time to focus on just you. I loved holding your hand because usually I don't have enough hands to go around and the girls need mine more. I watched your small face laughing and talking and wondered to myself what this year, and the next, and the next, will hold for you.
From the moment I knew of your existence it has been this gentle progression of little ways of letting go. Six will be a year of big changes I think. Thus far we have spent all of our days together.You will most likely be in regular non-home school for first grade and I think I am already grieving the thought of being away from you all day. I know you are ready and you will do fine but my heart has trouble sometimes catching up to the speed at which you are growing up and becoming more independent. It is good and I have always known that ultimately our Father is holding you.
Is it normal that I think you are the most remarkably cool, adorable and kind little boy I've ever met? You are getting taller and thinner and you have your first loose tooth. While you were five you learned to sound out words and it was so exciting and satisfying to be your teacher. You love to draw, and love stories and reading. You love little babies and are really sweet and gentle with them. You informed me that you will have a little brother and his name will be Jacob. Hmm, I'm not sure if you're placing an order or what. You are all about pirates, knights, Star Wars and Narnia. You are perfecting some mad harmonica skills and you love all kinds of music. At the moment you have at least two marriage requests and you don't seem to want to disappoint either, so you've already gotten a glimpse of the mysterious world of love. I keep trying to tell you and your little buddies that you really have plenty of time to figure it out(but you just might be a heart-breaker). I will admit that I have no idea how to raise you into a godly son. Not a moment is lost in prayer and I am relying on His grace. With that said, I rejoice in what I have seen God doing in your heart this past year. I remember those days I prayed with hands on my belly that you would be a man of praise and passion for God. Thus your name, Juden Blaze. You have shown a strong sense of compassion for those in need and hurting. I have seen your giving spirit and am so thankful for your love for God. You are so quick to forgive and embrace when I have to say I'm sorry when I'm not the mom I should be to you. Your prayers are so simple, disarming and earnest. As many children tend to repeat the same prayers, you do too. You most often use communal words when praying, and often say, "It's not about us, it's all about you, we love you and we know you love us." You say "thank you" a lot and you also usually say, "I just can't stop loving you and I wish I could praise you all night." You have a very tender heart and you have taught me much about how deep and real and unpretentious the faith of a child can be. My son you are more than precious. I am still in awe that He bestowed such a beloved gift on me. Five was beautiful, awkward, tender, growing, curious, dramatic, mischievous and innocent. It was forts,swords, bow and arrows, filling sketch books,tiny Lego's, pants with busted knees, pockets of seeds and rocks, and little sister accomplices. I love you little one, and I look forward to all the wonderful possibility of six. Happy Birthday, little man.

I promise to break the blogging silent treatment soon. Just as soon as I finish turning my living room into Narnia for a certain almost-six-year-old. Can it be!?

snow angel

Every once in a great while the light changes and the sky is full and snow falls slowly, gently transforming all to shimmering powder white. Their eyes grow wide and out they trudge all wrapped up. I watch her catch snow on her tongue, they stomp out footprints, make snowballs and angels. We don't mind the cold for the rare wonder of snow. We pile in with ice-caked mittens and ruddy cheeks to the fire and a warm cup and our hearts are full.


Walking Home from Oak-Head

There is something
about the snow-laden sky
in winter
in the late afternoon
that brings to the heart elation
and the lovely meaninglessness
of time.
Whenever I get home - whenever -
somebody loves me there.
Meanwhile
I stand in the same dark peace
as any pine tree,
or wander on slowly
like the still unhurried wind,
waiting,
as for a gift,
for the snow to begin
which it does
at first casually,
then, irrepressibly.
Wherever else I live -
in music, in words,
in the fires of the heart,
I abide just as deeply
in this nameless, indivisible place,
this world,
which is falling apart now,
which is white and wild,
which is faithful beyond all our expressions of faith,
our deepest prayers.
Don't worry, sooner or later I'll be home.
Red-cheeked from the roused wind,
I'll stand in the doorway
stamping my boots and slapping my hands,
my shoulders
covered with stars.

~ Mary Oliver ~


(Thirst)

Here is a play list of some beautiful laid-back snowy day kind of music for your listening pleasures.

Christmas lambs

Today some friends called and invited us to go see some baby lambs. Warm,fleecy, wiggling in my arms. Tiny bundles bleating, hopping and full of life, born on Christmas morning. A bright interlude in a grey misty day.



Reflecting on the blessing of this passing year, with grace covering mistakes and love multiplied and looking forward with hope for the new. Grace and Peace to you and yours in this new year!

gifts

Here's some of what we were up to in the days preceding Christmas. We really wanted to make our kids some gifts this year. Ella borrowed The Princess and the Pea from the library and I read it no less than three times a day the whole time we had it at the request of Ella who fell in love with the story. I was reminded of this sweet little play set and knew it would be perfect for the Bella girl. I rounded up some pretty leftover fabric scraps and sewed the bag and lots of little mattresses. I decided to buy a princess for it instead of making a paper doll. She especially likes the tiny pocket that holds the peas and I love watching her chat away to herself while she plays.


Josh hid away in the basement with a wonderful little carpentar's assistant (and very good secret keeper)building a kitchen for the girls. Needless to say they were delighted on Christmas morning and there is no shortage of tea parties and cupcake baking around here. Juden got a real archer's bow and arrows and a knight's tunic to match.







It has been a wonderful December of celebration and family,fires, cocoa, Mickey's Christmas Carol, parades,friends,busyness and peaceful times, and most importantly gratitude and worship to our manger born King.
Josh's mom prepared a wonderful feast for us on Christmas and Josh and I had a quiet Christmas night and watched The Nativity. If you haven't seen it, you should. It was a beautiful rendering of this story and reminded me how much I want to go to Bethlehem, Nazareth, Jerusalem etc. and see, feel, walk those roads, those places that His feet trod. The place where the sky erupted with starlight and angels' voices, the place He spent His earthly days. I have been so grateful for our times of family worship. Not always quiet or uninterrupted but God moved in us despite our brokenness,and our distractions. One night after reading,prayers and singing together, Juden told me how much he loved the Bible so much. I told him that we need to be so thankful for His Word because there are some people that don't have it or have it in their language. His face dropped with sadness and he asked me if we could give them all of ours except one. This conversation and his precious heart which so wanted to give, spawned what I believe will be a new tradition. Right after this conversation a pamphlet came in the mail with our Compassion letter specifically asking for donations to help provide Bibles to children without, and Juden was thrilled. We talked about Jesus' words, " Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me." We placed a jar for our family to collect money to give to Compassion to help feed and provide Bibles to children.
I was so humbled and thankful to watch him look for jobs, and eagerly collect little fistful of coins to drop into his jar for Jesus' birthday present. And I thought to myself, "Am I this eager and open handed to give of what's been given to me?" I think Juden found more joy in figuring out how to give Jesus a birthday present than he did in getting his own. I think he began to learn that it is more blessed to give than to receive and to look outside of himself to the needs of others. What tender mercy that He stirs the heart of a child and stirs in mine.

Hope you had a warm and merry Christmas!

the weary world rejoices

"Was there a moment, known only to God, when the galaxies paused in their dance for a fraction of a second, and the Word, who had called it all into being, went with all his love into the womb of a young girl, and the universe started to breathe again, and the ancient harmonies resumed their song, and the angels clapped their hands for joy?"
~Madeleine L'Engle~

Advent* to come to*

"Advent literally means "to come to" which is exactly what we believe Jesus Christ has done-he has "come to" his people to save us from our sins."

Every night we gather by the fire and candle light, we become hushed and we wait, listen,worship and seek Him, expectant. All of our special advent Christmas and Advent books are out. The kids have loved our evening ritual and eagerly wait for the candles to be lit and the new door on the advent calender to be opened. In addition we are joining our church family through Advent passages that you can find here. Words are read while little fingers arrange and re-arrange Mary, Joseph, wise men, shepherds and baby Jesus. We ponder how our God loved us enough to become one of us, to bring us back to Him. On bended knee we wait, and quiet our hearts to take in this miracle. I can not express how very precious and holy these evenings have been, what a reminder to be in love with His word and the things that begin to stem from that. It has again reminded me that it is all that we need. Though we enjoy lots of the festivities that surround Christmas it all becomes dim in comparison to the one Creator King who was born of a virgin one night in Bethlehem. I'm feeling a lot like this again this year, always that bittersweet knowledge of our utter brokenness and His perfect promise to heal and restore us with His love. I am reminded that each of us has had our own story for the past year. Some one fell in love while someone else still feels lonely. Someone had a brand new baby, while someone else's mother died of Cancer. Someone felt blessed while another felt abandoned. Someone felt quite smug at all they'd accomplished while someone else found themselves homeless. Our stories so different, all in need of this one truth and hope, a manger born King. What would happen if we turned down and unplugged from some of the noise and distraction and made room for space and stillness, if we became a sanctuary for His Spirit?
Watch for the Light is my favorite Advent book and so I'll end with a quote from it and a Juden prayer(one of my best gifts this year).

"The gift of the greatest efficacy and power that we can offer God and creation is not our skills, gifts,abilities, and possessions.
Mary offered only space, love, belief. What is it that delivers Christ into the world-preaching,art,writing,scholarship,social justice? Those are all gifts well worth sharing.
In the end, when all other human gifts have met their inevitable limitation, it is the recollected one,the bold virgin with a heart in love with God who makes a sanctuary of her life, who delivers Christ who then delivers us...
What if instead of doing something, we were to be something special? Be a womb. Be a dwelling for God."
~Loretta Ross-Gotta



"Dear Jesus,
I can't wait for your birthday and for your birthday I want to give the little kids who don't have enough food, something to eat and I'm saving up money to give them Bibles too, so they can know about you. Thank for what you give me and you're the Prince of Peace and I love you to pieces and pieces and pieces and pieces.
Amen"
~Juden~